Too Broke To Laugh

If I saw this woman slithering down my hallway I would shit myself, then piss myself, then throw up, then blood would ooze from eyes, I would pass out on the floor, roll around in my filth until I finally opened my eyes next to hers at which time I would die instantly.

There is nothing funnier than the look of fear on a persons face especially when the fear is unfounded. Over the weekend I played a round of golf with my buddies and as usual it was hysterical.

One of the guys hit his ball into this tall grassy area, prime location for serpents of all types, so while we were looking I took a nice long stick and proceeded to graze one of my friends around his ankle which of course prompted him to yell in terror thinking he was being attacked by some viper.

I laughed my ass off for a good five minutes. Good times.

5% = Probability this clown has pants on.
10% = Probability anyone ever saw that little girl again.
100% = Probability I don’t trust anyone dressed like a clown.

San Antonio police are continuing their investigation into the gruesome murder of a 3 1/2-week-old infant found stabbed and decapitated in his home….Rios said the baby’s mother 33-year-old Otty Sanchez, of San Antonio, will be charged with capital murder….McCourt said she told investigators that the devil told her to kill her son.

Russian authorities say Olga Pukhova, Anna Gorokhova, Varya Kuzmina and Andrei Sorokin were stabbed 666 times. The teens — all of them 16 or 17 — were then dismembered…Eventually, Russian authorities arrested Ogolobyak and accomplices Ksenia Kuznetsova, Alexander Voronov and Anton Makovin…Nikolai Ogolobyak wasn’t concerned about his arrest. He allegedly told police that Satan would help him “avoid responsibility” because Ogolobyak had “made lots of sacrifices to him.”

Fifteen year old Elyse Marie Pahler was “sacrificed to Satan” by three San Luis Obispo, CA teen-agers in one of the most grisly murders on record….The suspects Roger Casey, Jacob Delashmutt and Joseph Fiorella — all teenagers — took Elyse to a hidden location about a quarter-mile from her home, fed her drugs, raped her, tied a belt around her neck “to make it easier to stab her”, and offered her up as the “ultimate sin against God”.

For many years, I thought the voices I heard were demonic. I even thought Satan himself was talking to me. I’m still not entirely convinced that they were not what I thought they were, but even if they were, my medications have sent them all packing.

Sometimes I hear a roar of thousands of voices from above booing or arguing against the unclean spirits and devils so it’s encouraging to know I have a heavenly host of support. Unfortunately the demons are loud and like the sound of there own voices but I stay strong with prayer.

All this sounds completely crazy to those who don’t realise the effect demons can have on people and I should mention that most people would’nt even notice these facial features on me…I could tell you some stuff that makes me sound even crazier like when I slumped to the floor paralysed after they twisted something in my spine and used needles against me. But fortunately I could walk after prayer. I used to use intravenous drugs.

When eleven, I started seeing the devil riding on a whirlwind trying to sweep me up into his powerful control. I would have to lie down to keep from falling it made me so dizzy. Over time, the whirlwind stopped and I rarely had visuals of the devil, but I continued to hear his voice telling me I would have to pay for my sins. Because I was a child, an dfrom a Christian family, I thought it was shameful to admit I was conversing with the devil.

I heard demon voices telling me they were god.These demon voices told me to kill myself two times and I tryed.I was set free in 1985, went to a real christian church and followed the bible. The demon voices went away and got very quite.amen

Yes, hearing voices, is Satan. We all have weaknesses and Satan plays on them. It may be hearing voices or just a born-worrier. It is absolutely 100% of the devil. One thing to remember all of you, who has problems in the mind. I can promise you; that it is not you that’s crazy, it is Satan driving you mad.

Have you ever considered the possibility that the voices you hear might not be, as it were, directly demonic, but rather voices delivered to you technologically, by fellow human beings who are influenced by demons themselves? As regards the advisability of ignoring the voices, it doesn’t make any difference whether the voices or demonic, or the result of voice-to-skull technology deployed by demonincally influenced perpetrators. However, discovering the facts about voice-to-skull might give you an explanation for your plight that made more sense theologically, so-to-speak, and in other respects too.

If you are a Christian then you believe in Heaven/Hell, God/Satan, so my question is if there is more legitimacy when someone says ‘God spoke to Me’ as a reason for performing a good deed than when a person says ‘The Devil Made Me Do It’ when performing a heinous act?

Believing God or Satan are channeling their will through your cerebral cortex is a sign of mental illness only separated by the degree to which the illness has manifested itself.

Crazy is crazy whether you hear God, or Satan.