Too Broke To Laugh

A family of four in New Hampshire is trying to spend just $1,500 for their groceries, household items and personal care expenses for an entire year and detail their attempt in a blog.

To accomplish their goal Heather and Bourne Spooner have developed a new system of shopping that includes stockpiling foods and paying close attention to coupons and sales, MyFOXBoston.com reported.

“My first inclination was, wow, that’s not that much money,’” Bourne told MyFOXBoston.com. “But, hey, if we can do it it’ll save us a lot of money.”

And save they have. The couple said so far this year their average grocery bill is only $125 a month, MyFOXBoston.com reported.

In addition to clipping coupons, the Spooners shop at specific stores for certain items and have adjusted the way they plan meals.

“If I have chicken and ground beef and cucumbers and carrots and peppers that I need to use this week, then I’ll take all of that and I will look for recipes for those items,” Heather told MyFOXBoston.com.

The Spooners also have sworn off dining out until their wedding anniversary, on Dec. 28.

Source: Fox News Boston
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Since the start of the year I’ve spent about $350.00 on whisky, beer and cigars. What the fuck are these people trying to prove? Look at us everyone, we can save so much money, but have an absolutely boring, vice deprived life for an entire year. Great, sign me up.

People like this piss me off. It’s one thing if you are forced to do it, like no job, or you’re Corey Haim (I did like that show ‘The Two Coreys’ because Haim was a nut), but to do this on your own free will then you are an asshole. Those kids are going to hate their parents. Can you imagine the dialogue with the kids.

Mom can I go to the movies with my friends? No! Now get back to unraveling the two ply toilet paper and making two one ply rolls out of it.

Dad can we get McDonalds? No! Now if you’re not going to finish your milk, pour it back into the container before it goes sour.

Mom can I invite all my friends to my birthday party? Sure thing sweetie. We’ll play horseshoes with crazy grandpa, sing songs and all the kids will hate you because your party will be lame as hell, with no clowns, no fucking characters in stupid suits, no pizza and no soda.

You want to know what happens to kids that are forced to follow their parents into some self absorbed experiment?

This charming Muslim Dad from Texas executed both of his daughters, then the FBI finally woke up and called it an ‘Honor Killing’. There are those who aren’t so quick to call the murders of these two girls an ‘Honor Killing’. “It’s not an ‘Honor Killing’ but rather a homocide..” so says Mustafaa Carroll, the executive director of the Council of American-Islamic Relations in Dallas.

I don’t know about you, but Mustafaa looks like a man with no agenda, so if he says it was just a murder, then maybe the girls weren’t going to pay for the cab ride their Dad gave them, so he opened fire. It appears Mustafaa is worried that classifying the murders as ‘Honor Killings’ will cast Muslims in a bad light. News flash Mustafaa, this has been going on in Islamic societies for all eternity.

I grew up in an Irish Catholic neighborhood and once this girl I knew got pregnant, but instead of her father chopping her head off and parading through the streets, he just made her have the baby effectively ending any fun she would ever have. On the other hand, you have to love people like Mustafaa, the Chinese Government and any Televangelist who wants you to believe what they say rather than what your own eyes and mind already know to be the truth.

While it is impossible to tell how many ‘Honor Killings’ occur each year it is approximated to be around 5,000 by the United Nations Population Fund, but of course the number is probably double since most aren’t even investigated. If Muslim women would just do ‘exactly’ as they were told, none of this would be happening. In the meantime ladies you might want to invest in a bullet and knife proof burka.

You know, this Mustafaa guy reminds me an awful lot of Chief Wiggum in this clip…

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My buddy Poopy just got a new puppy. I know, that sounds hilarious, but both his nickname and the new puppy are true. I might as well explain the nickname Poopy because I know you can’t get past it right now. Long story short, his friend sharted himself with a bunch of women around, it smelled real bad and so he blamed Poopy. There you go and yes I know it’s awesome.

A while back I wanted a bulldog in a bad way, but they cost about 2 million dollars, give or take a few million and I didn’t have any cash to spend. My friend tells me about this lady in a dipshit town about 50 miles from my house that has a bulldog and she can’t keep it anymore. Apparently the woman who owned the bulldog told my friend the dog was a champion and it was a mashup of Wonderdog, Scooby-Doo, Lassie, Benjie and Rin Tin Tin, but she was giving it away for ‘FREE’.

I drive down there and pull up to this piece of crap house and right away I knew I was fucked. I just drove 50 miles, I’m in the middle of nowhere, so I figure just a quick peek can’t hurt. The woman lets me in and my first impression of this vile abode is fully realized by all the trash, old food, crying kids with droopy diapers and every other possible cliche of a dirtbag Jerry Springer house.

The woman says to me ‘C’mon in and take a look at Champ for yourself’ and she leads me into the farthest back room in the house. I look around and there is no fucking dog to be found. She turns to me and opens a door, which as far as I could tell led to a septic tank and out from the darkness waddles Champ the bulldog.

This bulldog was by far the most bizarre, scary, horrifying, mutant, Frankenstein, Sloth from the Goonies looking bulldog you could imagine. It had one working eye and the other was glazed over with some funky think white goop, it was breathing like it had been smoking unfiltered Camels for the past fifty years, it had chunks of fur missing and it walked sideways.

I literally screamed out loud when this dog came into view and it wasn’t just a little whimper either, but rather a fully audible ‘Ahhh’. I looked back at her, then looked back at Champ and bolted for the front door. When I got into my car I called my friend on the phone and told him thanks for the hot tip on Cujo, but I was taking a pass.

There is no moral to this story, just a sad lesson of how a good deed, me trying to rescue a dog, turned into a stomach churning disaster.