Too Broke To Laugh

A Chicago underpass stain resembling the Virgin Mary has been defaced by graffiti of a devil face.

“We believe it’s a miracle,” said Elbia Tello, 42, of Chicago, told The Associated Press in 2005. “We have faith, and we can see her face.”
Source: Associated Press

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People love the word miracle. When I hear the word miracle I automatically assume it was due to Divine intervention. For instance when I was younger I thought ‘Miracle Whip’ was made at the monastery one street up from my house.

The word miracle was thrown around a ton when Sullenberger safely piloted flight 1549 into the Hudson. There are a ton of movies with the title ‘Miracle’ in them. Films such as Disney’s ‘Miracle’ about the Olympic Hockey squad who beat the Russian’s and vaulted Al Michaels’ into sports broadcaster infamy.

The other day I took a huge shit, no kidding, the thing was clearly half out of the water and when it went down without incident I muttered ‘Damn, that was a miracle’. The question I want answered is whether a miracle requires the presence of a Divine spirit, or can it just be an awesome event as was the case when the Buffalo hoof emerged from my arse and went down the toilet without need for a plunger.

Elbia Tello is clearly deranged because how else can you explain a person who believes a digusting stain on an underpass is a ‘miracle’ because it resembles the Virgin Mary? The problem with miracles is, anyone can state something is one, even a filthy hobo lady who was probably urinating, or defecating on the retched floor of the underpass when she happened to look up and think a giant water stain was the Virgin Mary.

If you ask me it looks like a huge vagina, but that’s just me. It wouldn’t be the first time I saw a vagina when others didn’t.

UPDATE 1-24-09

Brazilian model Mariana Bridi da Costa, whose hands and feet were amputated in a bid to save her from a deadly and little-known illness, died early Saturday.

The French make great pastries, not medical diagnosis’.

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UPDATE 1-23-09

Apparently Mariana might not make it, so this news  puts my post in a bad light, but I must insist my commentary about the French stands.

Moral of the story is don’t have sex with dirty French people who don’t bath for weeks at a time because you might end up with a UTI which apparently is more resistant than the entire French army.

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A 20-year-old Brazilian model, who was a finalist to represent her country at the Miss World contest, had her hands and feet amputated after contracting a severe urinary infection.

Mariana Bridi da Costa fell ill on Dec. 30, and was initially diagnosed with kidney stones, Agence-France Presse reported Thursday.

But, it turned out she had come down with the infection pseudomonas aeruginosa bacterium, which can often prove fatal.

The infection quickly spread, causing her to go back to the hospital for tests. That’s when doctors discovered septicemia had set into her limbs, cutting off circulation, the news agency reported.

As a result, doctors were forced to amputate.
Source: Fox News

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This reminds me of a joke.

What do you call a model with new arms and no feet hanging on a wall?

ART

Ok, seriously this is some fucked up shit and only one of a handful of reasons I won’t ever step foot in France. The first being I hate French people for all their snippy comments about the U.S. when as we all know the ‘Finest Generation’ saved their smelly asses during WW2.

I still think some guy is going to score big time if he chooses to marry Mariana Bridi da Costa because she’s still hot and I’m sure has one of those awesomely round brazilian asses, but minus the option of walking out on you.

Actor Ricardo Montalban, star of the hit TV series “Fantasy Island,” died Wednesday in Los Angeles, a family spokesman said. Montalban, 88, was in deteriorating health over the past several days but “died peacefully” at 6:30 a.m. at his home, son-in-law Gilbert Smith said.

He understood “it was his time,” Smith said. The cause of death was not given.
Source: CNN News

Another Legend leaves us. An important part of my childhood has died today. I dare you to find two more prominent characters of television and movies than Mr. Roarke and Khan. You can’t because they don’t exist!

Khan was by far the best villain of all the Star Trek movies and shows, period, end of discussion. Mr. Roarke was the pinnacle of 80’s television, an icon, infamous, far and away a character who will never be forgotten for how cool he was and the last man to pull off an all white suit.

Roarke’s best friend was a midget and you don’t get more bad ass than that. Roarke would give you your fantasy, sit back while your world crumbled around you and then tell you how much of an asshat you were for wanting that fantasy.

I solute you Ricardo Montalban for in life you kicked major balls.

P.S. I know for a fact Montalban tapped Marsha Brady like a beer keg in a frat house.

Louie from the television show Taxi is one of my all time favorite characters. Happy 64th Birthday Louie De Palma Danny Devito!

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Taxi Cast Members:

Danny DeVito .............. Louie De Palma
Judd Hirsch ............... Alex Rieger
Tony Danza ................ Tony Banta
Marilu Henner ............. Elaine Nardo
Christopher Lloyd ......... Reverend Jim
Andy Kaufman .............. Latka Gravas
Jeff Conaway .............. Bobby Wheeler
Carol Kane ................ Simka Gravas

I couldn't forget the object of Louie's affection Elaine Nardo. 



* Those nipples were like hollow point bullets blasting through any material.