humor


Never Take A Day Off

The Holiday’s are upon us and life is about to get very busy for everyone. Ladies, let me remind you as you may be tempted to take a day off from pleasing your man during these busy days, but don’t do it.

You women may see a bimbo standing at a Pizza shop looking like a dime store hooker, but I see an incredibly bright young lady who realizes there is no such thing as a day off in the war to keep other women away from stealing your man.

Don’t let the Holiday’s keep you from being focused, otherwise this might happen to you.

If she didn’t want to lose her boyfriend to her hot sorority sister friend, she should have come with her ‘A’ game at all times and dumped the sweats. Trust me, show owns sweats.

Moment Of Discovery

What did those girls see? Thoughts please.

I’m guessing a match pair of pocket watches engraved with the initials of their Coach.

Pocket Watch Makes Excellent Gift



California Man Allegedly Paid Teen $31 to Spit in His Face

THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. — A California man was arrested after allegedly paying a teenager $31 to spit in his face.

Ventura County authorities say the 39-year-old resident of Thousand Oaks, whose name wasn’t released, has made a habit of recruiting boys on MySpace to yell profanities at him, slap him and spit at him.

The teens are male students at Westlake High School, investigators said. The man was booked on a misdemeanor child annoyance charge, then released from Ventura County Jail on a promise to appear in court.

Authorities say several teens also accused the man of offering them money to urinate and defecate on him.

His motive wasn’t clear.
Source: Venture County Star


His motive wasn’t clear? His motive wasn’t clear. Perhaps it was a science experiment, or a socio-economic experiment to determine the depths individuals will descend for money.

This is a tough one. What motivates men to do anything? Let me think.

Motivating Penis Factor


New warning on ‘perfect vaginas’

Women are undergoing surgery to create perfect genitalia amid a “shocking” lack of information on the potential risks of the procedure, a report says.

Research published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology also questions the very notion of aesthetically pleasing genitals.

Labioplasty, as it is known, costs about £3,000 privately and is offered for a variety of reasons: some women complain that wearing tight clothes or riding a bike is uncomfortable, while others say they are embarrassed in front of a sexual partner.

Source: BBC News


What in the world is going on? Labioplasty? I get the breast implants, because nothing is uglier than pancake, or shriveled egg boobs, but the vagina is perfect. Woman take note, it’s not the big labia which resemble Dumbo ears we hate, it’s all the other variables that fuck up the vagina.

Labia Or Elephant Ears

Here is a real man’s guide to vagina offenses and none of them include your meaty labia.

The Smell – The vagina should smell like cotton candy at all times. If you want to know how a vagina should smell visit your local high end strip joint, give the girl a 20 and take a whiff. Remember, everyone loves eating Cotton candy.

Cotton Candy
 

The Hair – I like all vagina styles. The only style which isn’t acceptable is the gypsy moth, or the spider nest.

Spider Nest

gypsy moth nest

Ladies, keep your vagina manicured like the shrubs of a fine estate. As you can see from the image below, it’s not the style, its the presentation. Now go forth and landscape.

Manicured Shrubbery
 

That’s it! Simple. Most men don’t give a shit what the vagina smells, or looks like, or who it is attached to. The next time you are worried about the size of your beef curtains just remember somewhere in the world a guy is mounting a lama because it has a pussy. Just say no to the ‘Designer Vagina’.
 
I would so fuck this lama.

sexy lama

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