Too Broke To Laugh

I don’t know how to feel about this girl. She looks like a lot of fun, but the fun could turn deadly if she decides to grab your balls and crush them, so they shoot out the tip of your dick. Some guys like that shit, so maybe it’s all good.

State legislative aide wanted to wear panda costume, have sex with boy, cops say

A former legislative aide to now-retired Sen. Hal Mowery, R-Camp Hill, is accused of sexually propositioning a 15-year-old Harrisburg boy through Internet chats, including discussions about dressing up in animal costumes and engaging in various sex acts with the boy, state Attorney General Tom Corbett announced today.

Alan David Berlin, 40, most recently a legislative aide to state Sen. Jane Clare Orie, R-Allegheny, used the Internet screen name, “alan_panda_bear,” to chat with the boy in April and May, Corbett said. At one point during the chats, Berlin proposed traveling to the boy’s home and having sex with him in the backyard while his parents were sleeping, Corbett said.

Source: Patriot News
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In a case of art imitating life there really is a ‘Sexual Harassment Panda‘ and he’s looking for your son on the internet. I don’t know what to say. Alan Berlin has huge balls thinking he’d get away with a scheme like this one.

Is there a worse thought in the world than looking out into your backyard and seeing a giant panda bear screwing your son in the ass? Let me think for a secon….No!

I don’t like to judge a book by its cover but Mr. Berlin, or as I affectionately call him Mr. ‘Bear’lin looks like a wanna be panda suit wearing freak. I’m laying 1-2 odds Mr. ‘Bear’lin never got laid by anything walking with less than four legs.

Sondra Fortunato went to Giants Stadium last week wearing a Santa Claus outfit, a tiara, fishnet stockings, a bathing suit bottom and high-heeled boots.

She also had a suitcase and two 11-by-17 signs reading “Go Giants” and “Have a No Guns Christmas,” referring to the team’s wide receiver shooting himself in the leg.

She insists nothing naughty was showing even though she’s “well-endowed.” As the middle-aged woman puts it, “You couldn’t even see my underwear.”

The Giants apparently saw it another way.

Security escorted her out, saying signs and baggage weren’t allowed and telling her to cover up because there were children present. She figures other women “got jealous and complained.”
Fox News 2008

The Giants win a Super Bowl and all of a sudden management sits in judgement of their fans. The star player of the Giants, Plaxico Burress shoots himself in the leg while his friend, another Giants football player, Antonio Pierce attempts a cover up, but Pierce keeps playing and Burress is a millionaire. Super cougar Sondra Fortunato arrives at Giants stadium dressed festively and is turned away for not being ‘family friendly‘. Is this professional football, or the Kentucky Derby?

Osi Umenyiora is alleged to have paid a ‘model’ a few grand, so he could drop a duce on her chest, but he can walk right through the door at Giants stadium. Selita Ebanks, Osi’s new girlfriend could surely dispel this rumor, but her silence speaks volumes towards her being cool with the scat. I’m not sure if Osi is a turd farmer dropping his crops on fertile model soil, but where there’s smoke, there’s usually some dude lighting a match in the bathroom.

I’m guessing if young Sondra showed up at Giants stadium she would be welcomed with open arms, but not anymore and this stinks worse than Osi’s last date. Damn you Giants, damn you to hell!

Gemma Arterton was born with Polydactyly, but had the extra fingers removed at birth which is a shame. How many Bond girls do you remember? Unless you are a die-hard 007 fanboy and imagine yourself in the shoes of Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, or Daniel Craig chances are the Bond girls will escape your memory. If you do imagine yourself in the shoes of 007 I bet you imagine yourself elsewhere. (Sick Freak!)

How is a woman supposed to distinguish herself from all other Bond girls throughout history? By having an oddity, a freakish abnormality which would normally send a guy running for the light-switch, or a toilet, but rather because you are so hot it turns into a kinky fetish thing. This would have been the ultimate showdown between your penis and your eyes, but Gemma selfishly ruined this epic battle by removing the extra digits.

Imagine you meet Gemma one night and you can’t believe how your ugly ass hooked up with this beauty. All the women are jealous of Gemma and all the guys want to kick your ass. Everything is happening in slow motion as a mix of her stunning beauty and fragrance is intoxicating you. Nothing matters as Gemma whispers in your ear how badly she wants you. You kiss Gemma’s hand, nibbling on her fingers, but something is wrong though you can’t put your finger on it.

Then it hits you like a ton of bricks, your dream girl is a sideshow act, a circus freak, an oddity, a sultry seductress who tempts your soul while giving you the ‘willies‘.  Unlike this half horse, half girl creation which I would be all over.

All bets are off if you outift yourself with the latest in beer goggle fashion, because the extra nubs don’t matter and you’re hoping one of them makes an appearance around your taint.