Too Broke To Laugh

I’m dead serious, I think albinos are extinct. The last time I remember seeing an albino was back 1980 or 1981 when a guy was working in the science room at the YMCA Boys Club. He was nice enough, I wasn’t really freaked out and he had this awesome magnifying glass attached to his own glasses, but in hindsight, it probably didn’t help with the girls. That was the last time I saw an albino, over 25 years ago. The question remains, what happened to the albino, or albini (plural for albino, I think)?

My own experience was a bit unusual. This is a true story, so help me. When I was about 18, my friends and I would drive to this secluded cemetery across from an Albino Farm (a movie was made based on an urban legend reviewed by palaceofhorror) and smoke weed. Now we never actually saw any albinos at the farm because we were told they couldn’t tolerate the sunlight and only went out at night. My friends and I went to this cemetery about a half dozen times without incident. One night we were parked, smoking and it was pitch black as usual. This is where I might lose you, but please realize it was just weed, not some Motley Crue heroin/angel dust infused joint we were smoking.

The car was foggy from all the smoke and we were laughing when suddenly the car was being lifted from the back and then pushed forward with enough force to cause my buddy to slam on his brakes and the car was still in park! We took off, never returned and when I got home I am pretty certain I shit myself. Did we piss off the dead albino ghosts? I don’t know, I don’t even like thinking about, but truth is albinos have always been on my mind since that day.

From my recent research which mainly consists of walking around and not noticing any albinos, anywhere, I can ascertain that albinos don’t get laid and hence are not procreating. I don’t have anything against albinos, they are ugly for sure, but it’s not their fault unlike say Brooke Hogan who is the poster child for one of my favorite sayings ‘Beauty is nothing but a light switch away’.

Now in all seriousness the plight of the Albino is a miserable one and here in the States there are probably like 57 left. In Africa were people still believe in unicorns, sorcerers and witchcraft, albinos are considered to possess magical powers so owning an arm, testicle, or other body part is sweet. I’m thankful everyday I am not an albino, but if you are, drop me a comment and please know you’re loved here in the States, but stay out of Africa because this guy is waiting for you.

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