Remember JimBob you went first the last time.
January 2009
Monthly Archive
Thu 29 Jan 2009
Wed 28 Jan 2009
What the fuck is this? This is neither fun, nor funny and I can’t begin to understand why a rubber duck needs balls and a pecker.
I’ve heard rumors Bert and Ernie were gay, but I refused to believe it. Now I’m not so sure and I’m bullshit thinking how I might have been duped all these years by those sexual deviants at PBS. This is not the first time PBS has pulled shit like this, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
I can’t even watch the show anymore without picturing Ernie taking it up his puppet ass.
Mon 26 Jan 2009
Be Very Quiet, I’m Huntin for Silver Fox
Posted by obliv1on under current affairs , humor , sex1 Comment
Lady LAKE, Fla. — It’s 11 p.m. at the Bourbon Street Bar, and Roselyn’s gyrating her hips to the blues band, Sue’s sipping a cocktail and flirting with her new boyfriend, and Alan is scanning the crowd for cute girls.
“See those two?” a buxom blonde asks, pointing to an elegant couple at the bar. “They were caught having sex in their golf cart a few weeks ago. It happens a lot!”
Welcome to ground zero for geriatrics who are seriously getting it on.
It’s a Thursday night at one of a half-dozen hot spots at the 20,000-acre Central Florida complex called The Villages, the largest gated retirement community in America — and one of the most popular destinations for New Yorkers in their golden years — where the female-to-male ratio runs 10 to 1.
It’s a widower’s paradise, and the word on the street is that there’s a big black market for Viagra.
Source: NY Post
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10 to 1 odds of getting some ‘Silver Fox’ booty. I’m not waiting until I retire to get in on that action. I figure if I get down there now, I can canvas those ‘GILF‘ bars and score big time. I don’t have much over guys my age, but men 60+ I can totally kick ass over.
- I have all my own teeth
- I don’t need Viagra, unless the ‘Silver Fox’ is more like a ‘Silver Manatee‘ and then all bets are off
- I have all my hair
- My balls aren’t gravity ravaged.
- I don’t crap my pants (with regularity at least)
- I’m not on heart medication so I’m all clear to be a sexual dynamo.
When I get to ‘The Villages’ I am going to unleash a tidal wave of Master Swordsman activity that will leave the ‘Silver Fox’ community devastated for years to come. In fact the towns ladies at ‘The Villages’ will worship me and my mighty penis.
If anyone knows Rosalyn from the Bourbon Street Bar tell her I’m gunning straight for her pulsating punani, so she better fill up on the early bird special cause it’s going to be a long night.
Sat 24 Jan 2009
Miracles Are All Around You
Posted by obliv1on under Religion , current affairs , humor , obama , tvNo Comments
A Chicago underpass stain resembling the Virgin Mary has been defaced by graffiti of a devil face.
The stain, under the Kennedy Expressway in Chicago, was tarnished by the demonic purple scrawl sometime within the last two weeks, police told the Chicago Tribune.
The graffiti is a face with horns, a sinister fanged smile and “666.”
Catholics first noticed the yellow and white “Virgin Mary” stain in 2005, flocking to the site to leave flowers and candles and to pray.
“We believe it’s a miracle,” said Elbia Tello, 42, of Chicago, told The Associated Press in 2005. “We have faith, and we can see her face.”
Source: Associated Press
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People love the word miracle. When I hear the word miracle I automatically assume it was due to Divine intervention. For instance when I was younger I thought ‘Miracle Whip’ was made at the monastery one street up from my house.
The word miracle was thrown around a ton when Sullenberger safely piloted flight 1549 into the Hudson. There are a ton of movies with the title ‘Miracle’ in them. Films such as Disney’s ‘Miracle’ about the Olympic Hockey squad who beat the Russian’s and vaulted Al Michaels’ into sports broadcaster infamy.
The other day I took a huge shit, no kidding, the thing was clearly half out of the water and when it went down without incident I muttered ‘Damn, that was a miracle’. The question I want answered is whether a miracle requires the presence of a Divine spirit, or can it just be an awesome event as was the case when the Buffalo hoof emerged from my arse and went down the toilet without need for a plunger.
Elbia Tello is clearly deranged because how else can you explain a person who believes a digusting stain on an underpass is a ‘miracle’ because it resembles the Virgin Mary? The problem with miracles is, anyone can state something is one, even a filthy hobo lady who was probably urinating, or defecating on the retched floor of the underpass when she happened to look up and think a giant water stain was the Virgin Mary.
If you ask me it looks like a huge vagina, but that’s just me. It wouldn’t be the first time I saw a vagina when others didn’t.
