Fred L. Ervin, 30, was beaten mercilessly upside his head with a frozen turkey while trying to carjack a 53 year old woman as she left a grocery store this past Sunday. Police aren’t certain who the turkey wielding good samaritan is, because the person didn’t stop to receive his/her due praise. After being beaten about on his cranium, Fred Ervin drove off and promptly crashed into a bunch of cars before he was arrested by police.
Ervin did inflict some damage on the woman he carjacked, but she is out of recovering out of the hospital. Ervin was in need of the car after robbing a gas station across the street, so he is facing a variety of charges. The only thing cooler than being saved by a frozen turkey around Thanksgiving would be if it was the 4th of July and a passerby jammed an M-80 in Ervin’s mouth.
Former porn star ‘Crystal Gunns’ has been out of the industry for five years now and wants a normal job, but some people are trying to prevent her from doing this. The new job Louisa C. Tuck aka ‘Crystal Gunns’ holds is as lunch lady and school monitor in the New Jersey educational system. The fact Ms. Tuck was at one point involved in porn is enough for certain parents and board members in Vineland, N.J. to call for her dismissal. Unfortunately for those who would condemn Ms. Tuck, what she did isn’t illegal and it wasn’t on school time.
We have no real legal stance or legal right to do anything for two reasons — one, it’s not illegal, and two, it’s not on school time. Superintendent Charles Ottinger
I’m going out on a limb and calling this like I see it. There are two possible scenarios at work regarding the ‘parents’ who want Louisa C. Tuck fired from her job.
Fat housewives who are jealous of Ms. Tuck and hate the fact their husbands stare at her huge cannons at the playground.
Overly religious people who believe porn is a sin, want people involved in porn to stop such activity, but when they do it’s not enough, so the religious freaks want them fired anyhow.
Once again we have the fat and the religious raining down on the parade of everyone close enough to feel the vengeance consuming their own bitter lives.
I guarantee there isn’t one boy where Crystal works bringing lunch to school.
Everyone takes and takes except when it comes to responsibility. Obliv1on – November 21st, 2008
No bailout for the automotive giants. This is what I want to hear from Congress when a decision is finally made on whether to give them more cash, or allow them to go bankrupt. I am sick and tired of these assholes reaching out a hand for help during the bad times and when things are great giving me a huge banana on my car trade-in.
Chances are if you aren’t happy in life, or where you hoped to be it is because you did something to cause it, so take responsibility and man up. Let’s look at a list I’ve composed of people who refuse to suck it up and take responsibility for their actions.
Chrysler, Ford, GM – When times were good Ford gave me 50 bucks on my trade back in 2000.
Lehman Brothers – Cried like bitches ‘Where’s our bailout?’
Orenthal James Simpson – The Juice, my man, number 32. Guilty as shit, no confession.
Foreclosed Homeowner – Don’t buy shit you can’t afford dumbass. Now vacate the premise.
Islamic American Citizen – Start a march, a parade, something! Your silence speaks volumes.
Walmart – Killing American business to reduce costs and in return we get Melamine Cupcakes.
Fat People – You are fat because you are fucking lazy and eat to much. Quit blaming thyroids.
Daycare Children – Your a mental case bully asshole because your parents don’t care enough.
Ghetto Dwellers – Feel like ‘Good Times’ is your life story. Well watch the fucking ‘Jeffersons’!
Alcoholics – If you have a disease, then I have JerkOfftitis of the Hands and can’t work.
Safe Havens For Children – To many kids? Not your problem now. Elderly parents you’re next!
Republicans – You aren’t in office now because no one wants to hear your fear of God speech.
PETA – Want to be responsible for animal welfare? Stop choosing animals over people. Nutbags!
Illegal Immigrants – Want to be liked? Start speaking English and stop with the Latin Flags.
