Too Broke To Laugh

drown

(droun)

Surprise, Surprise, another person, Lois K. Feldman, 38, of Carroll, MN. is not accepting responsibility for her actions following a recent bang session with Ross M. Walsh, 26, of Linden, MN during the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. Lois released the inner slut and took a ride on Ross’ mule train in a public bathroom stall, but now Ms. Feldman believes she was the victim of a crime.

I would never ever do that…My kids are my life. I go to church every Sunday…Everybody thinks something got put in my drink.

Well it is obvious to me anyone who attends church every Sunday is incapable of lascivious behavior, let alone be completely bombed after tailgating at a college football game. I smell something fishy going on here and Ms. Feldman, her attorney and the crack team of investigative reporters at T.B.T.L will certainly uncover the perpetrator of this crime. I have a pretty good idea where to look for the type of character eager to engage in this type of college drinking and sexual shenanigans .

Ms. Lois K. Feldman is setting the Cougar movement back decades by not owning up to the fact she stalked her prey, baited him and unleashed her own brand of savage lust on his youthful college body. Be proud Lois, accept responsibility and then line up a season ticket package with the Golden Golphers and fill your Cougar den with ripe young men.

An army of these bats would be unstoppable. Sodomozing men and women, biting the heads off little children, eating pitbulls and burying the dead in an avalanche of guano.

In contrast to this horrifying world dominating bat is this less than scary bat.

The heavy glass and steel sliding doors were literally knocked off their hinges in the shopper-stampede-to-be-first. Then the wave of humanity caved in on defenseless Wal-Mart workers as they opened early — 5 a.m. — for the annual bargain hunting ritual that kicks off the morning after Thanksgiving.

“The crowd pushed so forcefully that they crashed the doors down and one of the workers from Wal-Mart was pushed to the floor as the crowd entered the store, many of them running,” said Det. Lt. Michael Fleming of the Nassau County Police Department.

Cell phone video obtained by CBS 2 HD shows Jdimytai Damour, a 34-year-old part-time employee hired as a holiday temp. He was crushed in the onslaught and pronounced dead an hour later. As responding Nassau police and paramedics tried to save him, they were also jostled and pushed to the ground.
CBS Broadcasting Inc

On the one hand you have former Congressmen Felix Grucci pulling out of a boat parade because it is no longer called ‘The Christmas Boat Parade’ and on the other hand we have thousands of ‘Christmas’ shoppers stampeding to death a worker to get a cheap DVD player. Originally I would have said the thousands of  ‘Holiday’ shoppers, but I don’t want to take out Christmas as it would upset Mr. Grucci and other like minded Christians.

Material benefits can’t keep you happy for very long. Your worldly possessions could be your neighbor’s envy; but not the source of eternal happiness. To be happy, you need to find “treasures” that don’t come with an expiry date; these treasures give us spiritual happiness rather than physical or emotional comfort.
(Matthew 6:19-24)

Nice job Christmas shoppers, you’ve honored the name of Christ by crushing to death a man, so you could get your worshiping hands on material possessions which are pushing non-religious ideology in the form of violent, overtly sexual imagery which wash over you in a warm glow as you sit in front of the tv.