Next time you are at a party gather people around and spin them a tale of a mythical beast, a raccoon-dog who drinks way to much, never pays, can turn a leaf into any object and the best part, has GIGANTIC testicles. I don’t mean big balls for a raccoon, but balls so big the Tanuki sits on them, plays the drums on them and generally has an awesome time with his huge nut sack.
Kids in Japan love to sing this song in the schoolyard:
Tan Tan Tanuki no kintama wa,
Kaze mo nai no ni,
Bura bura
Translated to English it says “Tan-tan-tanuki’s testicles, there isn’t even any wind but still go swing-swing-swing”. I sang this song once and now I can’t get it out of my head. Sing this song at your own risk! In Japan the Tanuki is used as a welcoming symbol for restaurants and other establishments. I don’t know about you, but nothing says ‘Come on in’ like a huge pair of fury balls.
I’m thinking of picking up one of these statues for my house, place of work and for the dash of my car. What better way to say ‘I love you’ on Valentine’s Day, an Anniversary, or any special occasion than the lovable Tanuki.
Perhaps the greatest video I have ever witnessed is available for your viewing pleasure, but promise you will watch till the very end when you will be rewarded Tanuki style. I love Japanese food like Sushi and, ummm, Sushi, and I like Geisha girls, Starblazers, Vampire Hunter D, Geisha girls, Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Geisha girls, Samurai Jack, teriyaki sauce, Voltron, Geisha Girls, but none are better than the mighty Tanuki.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I am certain French novelist Alphonse Karr knew of the innate abilities of an obese chick to thwart the attempts of men from viewing, fondling, groping, or genuinely taking advantage of a hot girl. The latest victim, or should I say victims were a group of students in Hungary who witnessed their German teacher in a rare game of strip tease. This didn’t take place at the teacher’s home, or even the broom closet, but rather in the damn auditorium during a pep rally or something.
All the parents are pissed, well at least the mothers are and they want the teacher fired from the school located in Zalaegerszeg, western Hungary. At the moment cooler heads, or should I say the Headmaster’s trouser head prevailed and the sultry, slinky school teacher is keeping her ‘position’ at the school.
I was forced to give the German teacher a warning, but I will not dismiss her because she is a valuable teacher for our institution. Headmaster Sandor Rozman
The ‘warning’ I am most certain entailed Mr. Rozman dishing out a good spanking in his office, but whatever, she is still the teacher and boys all around Hungary are rejoicing today like Augustus Gloop after falling in the chocolate river.
The real travesty is this stripper, I mean teacher, wasn’t allowed to finish her dance of seduction for all the young men and curious females, before Mrs. Ballbricker intervened around the 1:57 mark and put an end to the show. I for one am sick and tired of heavy chicks ruining a good time for everyone, wearing purple all over the place and genuinely out to rid the world of spontaneous moments of hot, crazy women. As of today I am asking each of you to join me in a new bumper sticker campaign against the intolerance of mammoth broads against good times.
“The average person who wants to defend himself is penalized because of these little brats that misbehave. Because they are frustrated with their socio-economic status, they act out, and we suffer for it.” Chief Ed Fluery, Pelham PD, Feb. 2003 on Gun Control
Police Chief Fluery has another concern this morning besides ‘inner city thugs’ putting a crimp in his plan to arm everyone with assault rifles and that is the death of an 8 year old boy at the gun show his firearm company, COP Firearms & Training, co-sponsors. New Hampshire is home to the ‘Live Free or Die’ slogan and Chief Fluery, or as I like to call him, Colt 45 will do everything to uphold the message.
Eight year old Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., shot himself in the head when he lost control of the 9mm micro submachine gun he was firing while attending the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo with his father, Charles Bizilj and brother Colin. Apparently in Massachusetts it is legal for a child to fire a weapon if accompanied by a parent and a certified professional as was the case at the Expo, but charges could be filed as it is unclear whether this law includes machine guns. Police Chief Fluery doesn’t believe for a minute our Founding Fathers, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock to name a few, would refuse an eight year old from firing an Uzi, so neither should you.
Advocates of the 2nd amendment right to bear arms are so adamant about not losing that right it would seem they even refuse to accept limitations on what arms should be made available. I don’t know about you, but I feel much safer walking my dog with an AK47 on my side. Would someone please explain to me how limiting certain automatic weapons, oh say anything able to take down a Hippo, can be constituted as an infringement on the second amendment?
Common sense is not too common and even seemingly intelligent people like Charles Bizilj, Doctor of Emergency Medicine/Internal Medicine at Johnson Memorial Hospital, make stupid decisions. It is amazing what a little background digging reveals about people.
A popular slogan for gun advocates is ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people’, so based on this ideology the people responsible for the safety of Christopher Bizilj killed him. This tragedy is being labeled an ‘accident’, but to me it is no more an accident than if you place a venomous snake in a child’s lap only to slap your forward when he, or she is bitten.
A little boy is dead, his family will suffer the rest of their lives and all the pro-gun advocates will run from taking responsibility for this tragic event. My guess would be the Bizilj family gets behind tougher gun laws, especially where children are involved and Pelham Police Chief Ed Fluery, sorry Colt 45, will refrain from making ignorant comments about how those types of laws target the second amendment.
A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free
State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be
infringed. Second Amendment, Bill of Rights
Good thing, we certainly wouldn’t want to refuse a weapon to this guy!
The title is a bit sensational, but I don’t remember ‘Franklin’, or ‘Dora the Explorer’ talking about semen. The New Zoo Revue was a show I watched as a child and enjoyed it for one reason, Emmy Jo. Other than Emmy Jo all the animals, Freddy the Frog, Henrietta the Hippo and Professor Owl were just plain annoying and I hated Doug.
The character Emmy Jo was played by Emily Peden and Doug was played by Doug Momary, the two eventually married in what can only describe as a lengthy abduction. Let’s face facts, Doug was the biggest doofus ever to appear on television, yet managed to snag Emmy Jo, so he must have been packing a mule in his pants.
As you can see from the image above Mr. Dingle is hell bent on getting himself a piece of Emmy Jo and the fact millions of children were watching the show is no consequence to that old bastard. In case you need more proof as to Mr. Dingle’s intentions towards Emmy Jo, the character is played by none other than Chuck Woolery! That’s right, Chuck Woolery, of the Love Connection show, owner of one fine timepiece and fists load of money. Mr. Dingle my ass, more like Mr. Blingle, just sizing up poor Emmy Jo for his stable of hotties.
I was naive, young and impressionable, just the type of viewer the New Zoo Revue had in mind when they planted their seed (no pun intended, or is it) of fornication, beastiality and short skirts into my head. The New Zoo Revue discussed love making with detail, graphic detail and scared Emmy Jo so greatly she refused to come on set for this segment. Watch the old man in the clip, look at his eyes as he utters the world ‘Sperm’ and turns his revolting glance towards the prancing Hippo, who is unaware of the danger she is in. Soon Doug is engaging in an elaborate dance with the Frog, bodies gyrating, pelvises pulsating and bodies drenched in sweat. Watch at your own risk!
The folks from the National Education Association, or NEA and PBS, or Public Broadcast Service, were trying to education children which is fine, but deep down they wanted to turn the New Zoo Revue into something sinister and pornographic. For shame PBS, for shame!
